The Practice of Family Constellations

Family Constellations have played a very important role in my personal healing journey and in how I practice today. It gave me much deeper understanding of who we are and where we come from, how we inherit our programmes, how we form our habits our believe systems and so on. 

We know now that foetus can experience his/her mother on the very deep level from very early stages of pregnancy, in fact much earlier than that. As an unfertilised egg you already share a cellular environment with your mother and grandmother. When your grandmother was five months pregnant with your mother, the precursor cell of the egg you develop from was already present in your mother’s ovaries. This means that before your mother was even born, your mother your grandmother and traces of you were all in the same body – sharing the same environment.

We also know that while in utero, unborn babies are able to experience his/her mother on a very deep level. Mother’s emotions, such as fear, anger, grief, love, joy, despair, hope – can all have effect and alter the genetic predisposition of the future child. Generations after generations we carry our ancestor’s wounds. Sadness, deep grief, reactivity, anger, survival instincts, empathy, compassion, deep understanding of pain and suffering, love – all can be passed on. We carry all, the gifts and burdens.

The biggest gift of all is the gift of Life itself. We look into our mother’s eyes with so much hope and love, ready to sacrifice everything for her. It is the biggest love and connection we will ever experience, and yet it can be the hardest one to take it in. I have experienced these types of challenges on very deep level. I have started my journey home over 10 years ago. When I say “home” I mean back to my Self my authentic Self.  

Pregnancies can work in mysterious ways, for me it was like an awakening, the past that I have tried so hard to push it down to forget was coming back to me. I was halfway through my pregnancy with my son, when I started having dreams, flashbacks and emotions so real it felt I was back right there when I was in my deepest darkness. I know now that pregnancies can reactivate the memory of trauma on the cellular level, bringing your past experiences right to the surface for us to see to remember, to heal, to come home, so that the future generations don’t have to carry our burden for us.

So many times, I wanted to run away, it is so much easier to just put a mask on and pretend to be someone else, play a role. It is so much harder to look at all the broken, angry, insecure parts of yourself.

My relationship with my mother was hard. I was struggling to connect to her, I found it hard to be around her, to relate to her. To see her for what she is a woman and a human. I was pushing her away with every cell of my being. But something had to change, why was I having all the flash backs and night terrors.

Then I remembered a conversation I had with this gentleman at one of the residential weekends, he struggled to accept his mother too. He said, “You can do all this work but unless you heal your “Mother wound” unless you truly feel the love for your mother you will never feel whole”. It really touched me deeply. How could I love her after everything?  But his words stayed with me.

We are not separate from our mothers and fathers. When we reject our mother or our father, we are rejecting part of ourselves, when we can’t see them or accept them, we can’t see or accept ourselves. After all they gave us life, we are together and not apart. After a while, I realised how much I was hurting myself, swimming in all the resentment and hatred. I was researching the work of Gabor Matte about transgenerational trauma, when I came across  Family Constellations training, the more I read the more I felt drawn.

Family constellations can be described in so many ways, but to me it is just pure magic of who we all are as humans, all parts of us. Of our connection to each other and memories we hold and love we feel and loyalty to the clan. Remembering and honouring our roots and ancestors. Acknowledging their struggles. It’s beautiful and powerful work and I will be forever grateful for having found it.

It allows us to view our family systems from a much wider lens then we used to. And in doing so we are able to see much clearer with less prejudice, with much more appreciation, gratitude and understanding. When I entered into training with Roisin Fallon I didn’t know what to expect.

It was hard and beautiful at the same time. First 6 month deep work with your own individual traumas, before starting training on working with clients. It was like a beautiful dance that increased with intensity as we moved forward. This dance brought me to a place that I haven’t dared to go before. With each move and each step another part of me was unlocked, another part of me have returned home.

There were tears, there was rage, there was laughter, there was trust and so much love within all of us in the group. I learned so much, I learned that its ok to be me with all my insecurities and masks, that it is ok to take the mask off and show your true self, I don’t need to try so hard all the time to be perfect and it’s ok to just be me and it is safe. I learned to see myself.

As the year progressed with each exercise with each constellation something deep within me was shifting. My relationship with my mother was changing. For the first time ever, I felt relaxed around her, I, wanted to see her.

Then came a weekend with Barbara Morgan, a human so beautiful in so many ways and I will be forever grateful to her for allowing me the space to go to one of the hardest places I thought I would never dare to enter. And yet I felt so supported, held and safe. This is the beauty of Family Constellations work because we are all connected, there is a web of invisible energy ties to our family our ancestors, they all are cheering us on to do well and to succeed. Even if we can’t see it, we can feel it, they are behind us supporting us all the way through. 

When we heal ourselves, we heal 7 generations back and 7 generations forward. Powerful work.

Finally, we finished our weekend with visualisation. Imagine yourself walking on the beach and eventually you come to see your mother/father, upon meeting of your mother/father you feel the connection between you, gaze into her/his eyes and then you say the sentence “ My mother/father is .....”, you are encouraged to finish the sentence with what feels appropriate for you at that moment.

In the past, I would always feel tense and uneasy when visualising my mother, but something was different this time. I was so happy to see her, I wanted to walk over to her as fast as I could. When I looked at her, I felt love pure love, my sentence was “My mother is BEAUTIFUL”, because she is, she is beautiful.

I can see her now, she is beautiful, and fragile, for she too has been hurt many times. And I am grateful to her for so many things but most of all for giving me life. Me and her are not different we are part of each other.

Today my heart feels lighter, fuller, and more playful. I am ready to take it all in, to move forward with appreciation and gratitude for everything that has been shown to me, for every experience I have had and for every person who came into my life. I am so grateful to everyone I have met during Family Constellations training, for all the mirrors, gifts, support, friendships, laughter, and pure love. I know now that if we trust if we really trust The Universe will provide us with answers, people, tools and all the beauty and magic it has to offer, to help us heal, to help us come home. If we seek answers and we ask the right questions the truth will be shown to us.

Family Constellations can be experienced in group or one to one session. It is a very personal and powerful work, and in my practice, I offer one to one session.